Tips for a successful joint family system
If we were to revive and revamp the 'joint family system' model to create a new one we need to think how can we learn from the mistakes that we made in old joint family system and create a new system with the insight gained from the experiences of nuclear and joint family system.
1. Mutual Love and Respect
One of the major reasons why my generation was desperate to break out of the joint family was the attitude of the older generation to impose their views and thoughts on us. In some families the father's word would be the final word and nobody could dare say or do anything against it. Such an autocratic style of leading a family leads to repression and suppression giving rise to feelings of discontentment and unhappiness.
If the joint family system is laid on the founding stone of mutual and genuine love and respect for each and every member (including children) then the system is guaranteed to be a success. It helps to keep in mind that love, respect and affection are things that can be only commanded and not demanded. We command these precious things by GIVING them first. For example - you cannot expect your son or your daughter to have respect for your advice and suggestions if you cannot demonstrate understanding, love and respect to them through your actions and words and by being sensitive to their individual aspirations and ways of thinking.
2. Open and Honest Communication.
Family members need to communicate openly and honestly with one another. The elders in the family must encourage and create an environment conducive to open communication. In the absence of such an environment, family members can feel repressed and suppressed that can lead to discontentment. Non-judgmental listening and demonstrating mutual trust are necessary to help family members open up to one another.
3. Realistic Expectations of Members.
It is important that members in a joint family system feel accepted for who they are and as they are. The crucial part of acceptance of one another is acceptance of our own weaknesses and limitations and that of others. By doing this, expectations of members of one another become more realistic. Realistic expectations help us to be more tolerant of weaknesses of one another. Having unrealistic expectations of others is often the root cause of disappointments and discontentment with others.
4. Acknowledgement of and Being Grateful for What IS.
One of the great advantages is that different strengths of different members can be potentially enriching to the family and in turn provide a sense of fulfillment to the members. For a joint family system to be a place where the members feel valued and nurtured, acknowledgement of the strengths and different positive aspects that each member brings to the family and being grateful for the same is useful and even necessary.
A joint family system can help build a society that is more tolerant of personal differences in views and thoughts and where people appreciate and carry forward the value of mutual respect, love and co-operation. Yet another reason why the 'joint family system' model is the model for a sustainable living in the future.
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